Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
