I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
