I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
