The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
