What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
