you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and she was petting her beer can
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
