It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
