Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
