gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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