wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
