Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
