So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
