Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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