It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
