I hope mine doesn't look like that
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
