do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize