from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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