my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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