mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
