obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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