Can Purell be used as lube?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
