go do what you do best...puke behind churches
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I looked at my own cervix.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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