yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
