I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
