I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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