I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
