smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
