xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
