I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
