i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
