i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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