Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
