If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i think i just lost a toe
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
