Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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