Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
