My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
