you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
