I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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