At least make sure they are 18
Why
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
