I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
