I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
