I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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