how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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