I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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