My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
