i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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