Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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