I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
