She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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