I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
porn star boner night. come get it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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