i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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