We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
