I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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