Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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