I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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