I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
In America we eat man semen.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
