Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
