shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize