where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
