Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
