Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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