So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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