Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
