Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize