yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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