This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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