My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
