Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
