FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
