you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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