when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
