Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
