Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
