i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
