all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
