dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
