Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
