i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
