people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
