Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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