stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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