if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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