and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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