Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize