Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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