the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
