Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
