i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
