i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
