I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
