operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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