just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
