i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize