Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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