worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
