smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
