dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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