I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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