I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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